is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
