I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
