You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
