he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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