I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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