i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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