don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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