It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
