ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
