You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
