he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
