Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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