in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
