Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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