I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
