Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
