Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
