Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
