Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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