so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
