I wish I only lived at night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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