dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
