she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Randomize
