I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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