I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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