Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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