I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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