why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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