If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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