Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
