Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
