So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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