Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
