so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
