so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
