White coat. Heels.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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