i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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