I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
And then he peed in my hair
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