whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I love you. Go after that dick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
