I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
