You made me cry and you don't even care
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
