My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
