My liver just broke up with me...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
