I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
