i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
