no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
