He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
