watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
