I puked a lego.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
