I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
