dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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