I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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