I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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