What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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