Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
