i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
