Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
