I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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