When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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