She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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