She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
