I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
