We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
