You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
