she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
