I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
porn star boner night. come get it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize