hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
