can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
