I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize