I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
