You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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