Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
