I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
