Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
