i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
