weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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