plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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