oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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