youre lurking in front of me
i think my tv is drunk
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
