i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
