While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
