In the future we'll all be gay
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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