My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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