all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
