drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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