Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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