yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
