Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
