I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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